A sentimental sap timeout.

Every so often, the homesick bug comes out to play. It never truly goes away, but it comes to a boil sometimes. It's part of joining the military, or taking a job someplace far from home - and if you have the ability to up and move away from everything and everybody you know, and not feel a thing - you're weird. And probably void of all human emotion. Maybe even a little dead on the inside.

I joined the military because after a nightmare of a breakup, it became blindingly apparent to me that I needed a boot in my ass in order to get me motivated and have some initiative. Otherwise, for serious, I would still be loafing off my mom right now. 23 years old, drifting from dumb job to pointless job, scraping by on low cashflow and blowing it on cigarettes and Boone's Farm (like I pointed out a couple days ago). No plan on staying in to retire, climbing the rank ladder, or being some kind of patriotic hero. Just the bare minimum 4 years, get some free school, and get the hell out.

Everybody has different intentions when they join, and this is my metaphor for them - check it:

Think of your life as a VHS tape or something to that effect. Some people leave home in hopes that they can completely erase the tape, pick up a new identity, and leave everything else behind. People like myself join, pause the tape, and anxiously await the moment in 4 years when they can push play on it and join their regularly scheduled program already in process. I haven't figured out where people fit in that want to fast-forward the tape. I'll come up with that later.

You are supposed to magically pick up the best of new friends at every location you hop to. Either I'm a picky bitch, or I've been spoiled with having the best friends in the world back at home, but ummm.... this process is nearly impossible for me. I like the company of said friends, but it's getting to the point where I sit sullenly in the background, and it is all too apparent to me that I just do not fit in with these people. And these people are most definitely NOT Alex, Vid, Jayson, Buckel, and the like. There's just no comparison. And I am left looking like a boring unsocial bitch because I wont dance around suggestively with chicks, or participate in conversations about clit piercings and vibrators. It's kind of depressing. I am the odd one out for.... well, not being odd. With the exceptions of Smith and Debi, I can honestly say that if I packed up and headed west tomorrow, everybody else would simply be a fond memory I would look back upon and smile, but never get around to calling. Smith and Debi feel like home. I know I am holding these people to way too high of standards, and I apologize. I am the square peg.

I don't feel sorry for myself. These next 16 months are just an interruption to my favorite show, and I'm anxious to hit play and get back to it.